I am so angry.  SO ANGRY.  I went out with Beth last night and Kurt was under the impression that I had slept with someone so he checked my phone, took all my money and hid my writ of assistance from me.  The writ of assistance is my court document for me to go and get Max.  I am stilling steaming mad about him doing that and all for fucking nothing.  I really don't want to live with him, really wish my whole life were different.  I didn't get any help from the cops this morning in getting Max.  Adam almost started a fight with them and it scared them so they backed off and now we need the judge's approval for the cops to go in and get Max and I am fairly certain I will never get that.  It might be another month or two before I see my son again.  And a clerk there told me that I desperately need a lawyer and I can't afford one and I don't have anyone who cares enough about me or Max to help me with one. 

And I HATE living with Kurt.  With all my heart and soul.  I am deflated.  Hopeless.  Nothing works.  I hate my life with this man who is fucking ridiculous and controlling. 

I did something really bad last night, really, really bad.  I was drunk and desperate to escape.  Wish I could go back and change everything.