This day and last night

I am having a hard time.  I was thinking I had this house...they made think as much....and last night I got a text from the guy that said something to the effect that they were considering someone else and to give them a call.  Which essentially tells me tht I didn't get the house.  And this morning I just don't want to be here at work.  I am going to have to initiate plan B which is to give my kids to their fathers since I cannot support them.  I have failed them.  Again.  And i hate that anyone would read this blog and feel bad for me but it's just the way of things right now. 
I had this awful dream last night.  There was a man who was torturing me, holding me down and pinning my arm to the ground.  But the horrible part was that he was choking someone to death in front of me and I couldn't stop him.  I don't really want to relive it but I woke up and couldn't help but wonder...what the fuck is wrong with my head?