There is no question that I am always the last person on his mind. The abuse is the worst ever and no thought of me. Me teeth are chattering. My stomach is wrenched in a knot. I want forever away from that poison. I have made about five different dates to occupy myself. I am going to be okay but tonight is bad. Tonight is hell.
Two people this year have let me down in ways that will change my life forever. Adam and my mother. From there I have to start anew. My perceptions of them have changed irrevocably. I want to find someone to love me, to not let me down. To spend the rest of my life with. I know he is out there somewhere. Right?
I must keep telling myself it is going to get better.
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A journal of unspeakable truth. I never reread what I write here for a reason.
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