Ready to search again?

I think what I need to tell myself is that I can be okay without him. That I don't have to have him and that I don't need him. It has to become solid in my brain and I think it is. My friend said tonight, "if he can't think enough to call you, you are the last thing on his mind." And he hit it with that! It was exactly what I was thinking! What I was feeling! He was with her while he was supposed to be with me. And while she "attempted suicide (whatever. There should never be an attempt but only successes)" he could have called. But he didn't. He couldn't. It's not the first time. Last night he didn't show up at all and then at 10 he called and said he was asleep. Imagine that. Annie says, "if you ask me, it's fishy." It is fishy and I am tired. Worn out. I can't remember who I am anymore. I don't value any part of myself. I need to reclaim all that I thought was important about me and I need to repulse the energy that stole that. He made me feel worthless. Even my weight wasn't right. Nothing about me was right. I kept taking all the abuse because I was out of money and needed security. But what he gave me was insecurity and criticism. I am done with all of it. I want to get through the bad heartache so that I can move on and away.
I think this time may have done it. Greg was here and Greg is so sweet and tries so hard. He would never treat me that way. Any one person who cares for me at all wouldn't treat me that way and I don't know why he does.
Give me a week to get through the bad heartache and I will be fine after that. I start school soon and will meet people. I will find myself again, I hope. I will try. I am so very lost.