I am the proverbial single mom

I am writing today, after all this time, because my life has hit new levels of lows. I have been tired lately, which is a regular thing. I have a sleeping disorder that permits me to stay awake for three, often four, days in a row with no repreive. These days are highly productive, actually. I have a cleaner house and a well run family unit. But then the next phase hits and I can't stay awake. I am driving my car and I find myself falling asleep, swerving to the side, sometimes forced to sleep for ten or so minutes just so I can safely arrive at my destination. The kids believe I love to take naps but what they don't see is that while they dream away, I am busy cleaning and writing and reading for days in a row and then biologically forced to sleep for days in a row.
This is not, however, what I want to write about. This afternoon, my telephone, television and internet went off. I couldn't believe it. I paid the bill last month but it was so far behind and although I paid $400, I still owed $200. So, to burn time and perhaps even use the phone, I went over to Glenna's house (my mother in law-though I am not married) and the cop pulls me over. I thought to myself, "you can do it, Amy. Drummel up tears." And I did. I cried like my broken sprinkler in the back yard and the cop graciously says, "We are not here to punish you or harass you. We just want you safe." My ass. Well, he didn't give me a ticket and I started driving away but the tears didn't stop. In fact, they are still coming and I know they need to come and keep coming in droves. I am almost out of gas and my car has an oil leak (kinda like that same broken sprinkler in the back). I am negative-let's just round it off-$800. I broke, I am broken and I can't fathom how to get out. When I got home today I thought to myself, "Enough is enough. I am getting a full time job along with my part time job. But then, who will take care of those babies? And how will the kids do well at school? And the house will fall to pieces and maybe we will be evicted again because I can't keep the house in order." And that is why the tears don't stop. We have been eating potatoes the last two days, rotten potatoes that Simoun gave us and they are lasting. I am in the process of making homeade bread and no I don't have a bread maker. And no, I am actually an awful cook. But yes, the bread will be eaten because otherwise they will starve.
But I have a house. It isn't mine. But we can live in it until the landlords tell us to leave. And I have that car even if it does have an oil leak and is out of gas. I own that car!
And enough of being positive because I don't really give a shit about being positive. I just want things to get better. I even thought, god forgive me, that I would surely sleep with anyone who is willing to pay my bills just for sex. Is that a dream? Do men such as that really exist? Are they clean? If they have money, they have to be somewhat clean just to keep a job, right?
Oh the lows I can go.
What has really driven me to write today, however, is that my ex-husband wants to sit down and talk to me. Apparently, Eric told him that he hasn't bathed for three weeks. It's not true, of course, and I have tried and tried to make everything right and do this all by myself, but I fail. So, Shane is coming over today to give me some lessons in parenting. I wish that lonely man who wants nothing but to pay a good sum for sex would come my way.