Here I go again, in the hopes that no one I know is actually reading any of this.  I just need a place to go to spill out all of this bad stuff.  This weekend was horrible.  I had no money and had Max with me and on Friday I had bought Max food but by Friday night my brother had eaten it all.  So this weekend, and in truth, I can barely remember the weekend, only that it was full of a lot of sleeping and hunger.  And poor Max, poor Max.  I did make sure he had something, but in thinking back I am not even 100% sure of anything I did at all.  We went camping with Andellyn and her boyfriend.  I remember that.  Just a fire pit and marshmallows and Max did like that because he wanted to go again.  But other than that, I just did nothing.  Yesterday I didn't have enough gas to get to work and so was going to take the train...but I missed the train by about one minute and I brilliantly just decided not to go to work at all.  And I slept in my car all day.  I mean all day.  At one point I used what was left in my checking account; $1.76 and bought a bean burrito and coke.  And then I slept some more.  My whole body hurts today from head to toe.  But I went home and my brother and sister in law had managed to come up with food somehow and they fed Max but I was mad because I had bought him food that should have lasted.  It doesn't matter.  I went home last night and took a sleeping pill and couldn't sleep.  Was awake all night and aching and was on that couch with Max and what would I do without Max...but I think I am depressed, know that I am because I just don't care much about anything at all.  Everything is getting to me, every little mistake and I am afraid every time I leave, even just to the bathroom, because my boss gets upset when I leave and I hate this job actually.  And I find very little enjoyment in it, but then that applies to almost everything right now.  My stomach hurts again but if I leave, if I leave, my boss will know.  The last time I did I came back and she was standing over my desk.  Just while I went to the bathroom because my stomach is a mess.  My head is a mess.  I thought I had already hit rock bottom, I did hit rock bottom, and this is just another bottom not quite as close as the other bottom.  But worse than at other times, is that I have no real friends.  Kurt was my friend and he is the very one who put me in this place this time.