I do this because I never write these days and I don't feel myself. There is a warehouse of emotion in my head with nothing to do but rust and fester. Vermin. Vermin in my head. I suppose if anyone should blog, I should. There is enough to write about given the misjudgements (not really misjudgements, just bad descisions) I have experienced. I want to write more. I want to live again. At the moment I float in a limbo of sorts. A place with no resolution but perhaps daily doubts and pains. The first thing I must put down is that I want what this is to end. I want him to leave me so that I can move on. I must move on with the one person who is filled with enough hate to fill the souls of a legion, but I have built so much life around him. I don't love him much these days but perhaps I can again. I want to be free. I want to believe in life again, though this time with less trust and more sincerity.
Here I can write the one name that throws me into panic and hopelessness. Ah, Alexis. I do wish you would leave this scene of mine. Forever.