It's almost amazing how my time skips and jumps between good and bad. A week ago I was under such duress that I felt the only way to cope was to sleep it away. For the last two days I have been high on life. In fact, I may be happier than I have ever been! Yet, trouble brews. I can feel it. It comes into the eyes of that ex-boyfriend I was talking about and how much, how very very much I want that ex-boyfriend to stay true to his girlfriend, soon to be wife. I know that I will feel obligated to whatever he wants and I KNOW how stupid that is and I KNOW that it gets nowhere-that kind of "pleasing." I have done it before and I look back with so much shame and embarassment. What will I say if he wants me to come over to his house? Oh, I know all the people out there who are thinking, "Well, you tell him no, of course." But really? Really? I can't!
Here is another thing. He was here a couple of days ago and I had stood him up (to his perception. Really I forgot and was drowning in midterms) and he was cruel and vicious.
I will tell him no. There is only one person in the world I want. Everyone else is pollution.
Time to think.
I worship that man. The man. The one. Not many find such a one. I live for him and will die loving him.