Just another day, right? I really cannot stand Simoun. He is so difficult to be around. It's too much most days. Right now I wish I could take my children and move to another state, as far away from him as possible. I know that I have been in this relationship so long that I have given up a little. I have given up on ever getting away and Simoun and I can't stand each other. How do I change the way I feel towards him? I don't want him to touch me or talk to me or even do favors for me. I can't stand the way he says things, the things he does to seem good to himself, the way he fools other people into believing that he is something he isn't. At least he isn't to me. He is an embodiment of rage and discontent. He wallows in his pity. He can't move forward and I almost hate him. Almost. But not completely. I have a son that occupies so much of my heart that is part of him and that I can't deny.
BUT he is not a part of me anymore. I want to hide from him.
Here is how today has transpired. I have been content, reading, studying, cleaning. I take Holden to the park and I met a woman there. We talked about her job at the U, the job market (700 people apply every to jobs at the U) and her son who had a funny looking head but big, blue eyes. She says, "He is so cute and well, my niece is so ugly. I know most kids get cute eventually and blah blah blah..." She was interesting but a little insecure which means I could have become friender with her if I had more time. But I left to come home and Simoun wakes up. Holden is in the car crying because he wants an ice cream (he's so spoiled sometimes!) and what does simoun do? He comes into the kitchen and shuts the garage door. Slams it actually. I say-Simoun you can't leave a three year old crying kid outside by himself. So, he seems to feel a little guilty and calls Michael to come and get him. I already feel angry with Simoun and it has been less than three minutes since he woke up!
It gets worse. We end up screaming at each other over Max and he leaves call me a fucking bitch and says that I am the most evil woman he knows. Over. That's ten minutes after Simoun waking up. THAT is my life.
This is my life. For now. It can't last much longer.