Weekend Thoughts

I didn't sleep one wink last night and here I am at work....feeling as though I sound strange and slurred.  I have to think about things a little too hard.  I didn't sleep because the pressure of all of this is a little overwhelming.  My car...still dead.  Adam went and worked on it yesterday for hours and I sat in the hot sun watching cars go by and thinking about how crappy his dad's car looked beside my own crappy car and how Adam's dad can't really walk or stand actually and yet he was working so hard to fix my mostly unfixable car.  And Adam, I found the door of my back seat basically removed and then a screwdriver...where he had tried breaking into my car when his drugs were still in there. So, I was feeling angry the whole time and thinking about what an idiot I am (I seriously am).  But I need that car.  And I need a place to live. 

So, last night (here comes the idiot part) Adam was sleeping over....not with me though...because we weren't exactly on speaking terms and we are both up the whole night.  Finally about 4 am I go into the front room where he has been sleeping with his shirt off (sorry but I love those broad beautiful shoulders) and we have it out.  All of it.  His being with the ubiquitous Alexis the whole time we were together and he says it's all my fault because of all my men (I do have a lot).  But the problem is that....he has nothing anymore.  NOTHING.  No television, no internet, no...well, nothing.  His grandmother moved out of the house and took everything with her.  I feel sorry for him and his father.  His dad has nothing and nobody.  I see this look Adam gets in his eyes and it's just pain.  He is in so much pain.  It hurts me so much to see it even though he has caused so much to so many. 

I am tired.