My life really never gets any better. I am very reluctant to write this post and not very excited for others to read it. But suppose what makes anything worth reading is writing what you most fear. Adam has kidnapped the baby again and won't let me see him. It's like having my soul ripped out. The pain is just about intolerable. I cannot believe I am going through this again.
ButI am not sitting on my hands. I did go and file custody and even temporary custody. But the very soonest I will be able to see Max is 9/27 and that is killing me. Every day it is difficult to get up, to stay up and when I am at home I have a hard time doing anything but laying in bed and dealing with my siezed nerves.
Here is my Tuesday. I am wretched, scared and Adam refuses to let me see my son. So, I go to lunch and kurt is there. He says, "Stop whining." I go ballistic on him, call into work for the rest of the day and then mull around the homeless for a few hours crying my eyes out. I decide i am giong to kill myself. I sit under a tree and discover there is a bridge just ahead and that i am going to climb to the top and throw myself off. I am ready to do this. But I am hot and have a headache so I lie underneath a tree for a few moments and fall asleep. When I wake up, my head is pounding so badly I cannot open my eyes. I realize I need to take care of the blinding headache and stagger towards the trax. On the way there a man leaning against a building says, "Hey there pretty lady." I ignore him, thinking he will see my puffy eyes and understand, but he yells out, "Fuck you then." I walk on.
ButI am not sitting on my hands. I did go and file custody and even temporary custody. But the very soonest I will be able to see Max is 9/27 and that is killing me. Every day it is difficult to get up, to stay up and when I am at home I have a hard time doing anything but laying in bed and dealing with my siezed nerves.
Here is my Tuesday. I am wretched, scared and Adam refuses to let me see my son. So, I go to lunch and kurt is there. He says, "Stop whining." I go ballistic on him, call into work for the rest of the day and then mull around the homeless for a few hours crying my eyes out. I decide i am giong to kill myself. I sit under a tree and discover there is a bridge just ahead and that i am going to climb to the top and throw myself off. I am ready to do this. But I am hot and have a headache so I lie underneath a tree for a few moments and fall asleep. When I wake up, my head is pounding so badly I cannot open my eyes. I realize I need to take care of the blinding headache and stagger towards the trax. On the way there a man leaning against a building says, "Hey there pretty lady." I ignore him, thinking he will see my puffy eyes and understand, but he yells out, "Fuck you then." I walk on.
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