Let's try this again

My last post was deleted and that's probably a good thing.  I was going into a diatribe about depression, something that has been consistent and enormous throughout my life.  I feel pretty terrible and who gives a damn. 
I have begun a mission of withdrawal and I am very accomplished at that, just ask Si.  Accomplished like the most sophisticated ice queen known to man.  It takes a little disgust, a touch of life-bred hate and nonchalance.  Voila!  It works like a charm...
And what it works best at is just making me feel melancholy.  I wish I had the right person to live my life with.  That one person who gets it.  Maybe there was only one person who got it and they are chronically unavailable.  The biggest problem is feeling directionless and sullen.  I had a million dreams and I have never stopped believing in them but they feel a little piqued and idealistic right now.  I have to get a job for certain and graduate from the university, which I am doing in a matter of three months.  But what about the rest of it?  And I am so lonely these days. 
I was lonely before with Si, but this might actually be worse. 
I am uncomfortable writing here on the floor because the kids wrecked my laptop.  Really blows.